DON’T forget the proper Islamic guidelines about how to communicate

Allah created us and He knows us better than we know our own selves. Thus, we must follow His guidelines about how to communicate with others, especially when seeking out a potential spouse.

Doing so ensures that Allah will bless the entire process and the marriage that results from it. Thus, initial communication during the engagement period should always involve the potential groom and the potential bride AND her father or “Wali.” It should not be secretive or behind anyone’s back.

Thereafter, the two may continue their dialogue in an Islamically permissible way.

DON’T be misleading or dishonest

This one really speaks for itself, and is extremely important. Finding out that your fiancée has been dishonest with you is usually a deal-breaker.

Have taqwa, consciousness of Allah, in all that you say or do, and don’t mislead the other party about matters—be they related to finances, family, health or anything else.

DON’T rely on one “perfect” preconceived ideal for your future spouse and dismiss anyone who falls short of that

Be open to different people and don’t refuse to meet or talk with someone simply because they don’t fit your image of the “perfect partner.”

There’s really no such thing as a perfect match, there is the right match that will insha’Allah be made easy for you if you allow yourself to consider it.

So maybe this person isn’t as tall/short/thin/dark or fair as you had envisioned your spouse to be! That shouldn’t always be a deal-breaker, especially if there are other things that make up for it.

It’s important to make sure you feel attracted to this person, both to their looks and to their personality. But waiting around for Mr. or Miss Perfect means you might just spend the rest of your life waiting, because none of us are perfect, that is a quality of Allah alone and of our spouses in al-jennah, insha’Allah.

DON’T forget to make a lot of duaa

The very process of meeting someone, getting engaged, and then planning a wedding is very exciting, and often lends itself to much focus on the material elements of this world.

Throughout the course of this whirlwind, one can forget a very important ingredient for success and that is duaa, supplication and prayer to Allah.

I spoke with one young woman who recently had her marriage about the importance of duaa. She showed me a little booklet—the kind you would find at Islamic bookstores or masajid. Its pages were worn, as if it had been read many, many times. The book was entitled, “Patience and Prayer,” and it was filled with hadiths and verses from the Qur’an about the virtue of patience and making duaa.

She held it and said to me, “I read this book, and it reminded me above all else, to pray and make duaa to Allah that if this marriage was good for me, to bring it to fruition. And I had to be patient. It took time, and when you want something very much, waiting is difficult. But it finally happened,” and she gave me a very big smile.

http://www.onislam.net/english/family/laying-foundations/engagement/461587-dos-and-donts-during-engagement.html

https://en.islamstory.com/en/artical/24956/don’ts-engagement