With The Family Of The Deceased

Tuesday, 01 April 2008

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Written by Abdul-Rahim Ammar

Among the crises that the Prophet (SAWS) gave importance to, was the crisis of death of a close person. That is to say, the crisis that the deceased's family faces due to his death. Out of his mercy, the Prophet (SAWS) used to be merciful with relatives of the dead in matters that some people would think small, but really relieves the soul, like preparing food for them.

Abdullah ibn-Jaafar (RA) narrated, that when the Prophet (SAWS) received the news of Jaafar’s[1] death, he (SAWS) said, “Prepare food for the family of Jaafar for there came upon them an incident which has engaged them.”[2]

That was the opposite of what people were known to do, where the deceased's family prepares food for visitors. In fact, when the deceased's family prepares food for visitors, it is a clear opposition of the sunnah of the Prophet. Jareer ibn-Abdullah narrated, “We considered the assemble at the deceased's house and preparing food after burial for those gathered there, as a genre of wailing[3].”[4]

Imam As-Sendei in explaining this Hadeeth said, “If the phrase ‘we considered’ is taken as an implication to all of  the companions, or just a report of the Prophet (SAWS), in both cases it is a valid argument.”[5]

What was more important than financial support was to encourage the deceased's family to be tolerant and not to endure impatiently. This was what the Prophet (SAWS) was keen on doing and rarely did any death occur during his era, unless he was with the deceased's family, reminding them of Allah (SWT) and trying to help them out of their crises by reminding them that their reward will be greater if they were tolerant. He used to teach them to say what would make them tolerant and even more, increase their reward during this life and the hereafter.

Um-Salama[6] narrated, that she had heard the Prophet (SAWS) say, “Any Muslim who suffers a calamity and says, ‘We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange.’ Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange.”[7]

The Prophet (SAWS) knew that women got impatient during crises more than men, so he was keen on reminding them to be tolerant when there was a crisis.

Abu-Saeed al-Khudrei narrated that some women requested the Prophet (SAWS) to fix a day for them as the men were taking all his time. On that he promised them one day for religious lessons and commandments. Once during such a lesson the Prophet said, “A woman whose three children die will be shielded by them from hellfire.” On that a woman asked, “If only two die?” He replied, “Even two (will shield her from the hellfire).”[8]

Notice the Prophet's (SAWS) mercy in this situation, as he consoled a woman for her great crisis. Abu-Huraira narrated that a woman came to the Prophet (SAWS) with her child and said, “O Prophet of Allah! He is ailing, and I am afraid (that he may die), as I have already buried three.” Thereupon the Prophet said, “It (their sad demise) would be a protection against hellfire for you.”[9] So imagine how happy she was, even though she is suffering from a great loss, just because she knew that this loss will protect her strongly from hellfire.

Apparently they are very simple words, but actually are of a great effect.

Consider this great situation that is narrated by Qurrah ibn-Iyas[10], “When the Prophet (SAWS) sat, some of his companions used to sit with him.  A man of them had a little boy who used to come from behind his back and his father would seat him in front of him.  The boy died; so the man ceased from attending the lesson as it brought sad memories of his boy.  The Prophet (SAWS) missed him; he said, ‘Why do not I see so and so?’  They replied, ‘O Messenger of Allah! His son, the one whom you saw, died.’  The Prophet (SAWS) met him and asked him about his son.  He told him about his death; thus the Prophet (SAWS) gave him his condolences and said, ‘O so and so!  Which would you love (prefer) more, to enjoy him (all through) your life time or that whenever you go to one of the gates of al-Jannah (paradise), you find he has preceded you to it and opened it for you.’  The man said, ‘O Prophet of Allah!  I would rather have him preceding me to the gate of al-Jannah and opening it to me.’  The Prophet (SAWS) said, ‘Then, you have it!’[11]

That was truly his mercy!

He was the head of the state, and in spite of this he cared for a man who used to attend his gathering.  When the Prophet (SAWS) knew that the man was afflicted with the death of his son, he searched for him and went to him to give him his condolences and the glad tidings of a reward on the Day of Judgment if he endured.  Consequently, the man felt well immediately.  He announced that if he were to choose he would have chosen what Allah (AWJ) had chosen for him, which is the death of his son.

The Prophet (SAWS) forbade people from grieving and becoming impatient.  In the meantime, he was realistic and considerate of the people’s pain and was sympathizing with them.  On that account, he would approve of their crying and grieving as long as it was within the limits of moderation.

Narrated Jabir ibn-Abdullah, “When my father[12] was martyred, I lifted the sheet off his face and wept; the people forbade me to do so but the Prophet (SAWS) did not forbid me.  Then my aunt Fatima began weeping and the Prophet (SAWS) said, ‘It is all the same whether you weep or not.  The angels were shading him continuously with their wings till you shifted him (from the field).’”[13] 

Jabir ibn-Ateeq[14] narrated that the Prophet (SAWS) came to visit Abdullah ibn-Thabet[15] when he was ill.  He found him in his death-throes.  Thus the Prophet (SAWS) called out to him, but Abdullah did not respond.  Thus the Prophet (SAWS) recited, ‘Surely we belong to Allah, and surely to Him we are returning.’  He said, ‘We have been overcome in you (your death), Abur-Rabi.’  Then the women cried and wept, and ibn-Ateeq began to silence them.  The Prophet (SAWS) said, ‘Leave them, and when the necessary time comes, none of the women should cry.’  They (the people) asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what is the necessary time?’  He replied, ‘Death.’  His daughter said, ‘By Allah, I hope that you will be a martyr, for you have completed your preparations (for battle).’  The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said, ‘Allah, Glorified and Sublime be He, has given him a reward according to his intention.  What do you consider martyrdom?’  They said, ‘Being killed in the cause of Allah, Glorified and Sublime be He.’  Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) said, “There are seven types of martyrdom in addition to being killed in Allah's cause: the one who dies of plague is a martyr; the one who is drowned is a martyr; the one who dies of disease of the side (chest disease or pleurisy) is a martyr; the one who dies of an abdominal disease is a martyr; the one who is burnt to death is a martyr; the one who is killed by a building falling on him is a martyr; and a woman who dies while pregnant (or during childbirth) is a martyr.’”[16]

 In the previous two incidents, the Prophet (SAWS) allowed the relatives of the dead to grieve and weep, but at the same time he brought them the glad tidings of the reward that awaits the dead in order to console them.